Tenna' San'
by Corliamat
Summary: after the death of his love in Moria, Legolas mourns. GandalfxLegolas. Warning homosexual love. 2 chapters, complete
1. Default Chapter

Title: Tenna' San' Author: Corli.....corliamat@ntlworld.com Pairing: Gandalf/Legolas Rating: PG-13 Summary: Legolas is shattered after his lover's fall in Moria. He finds comfort where he least expected it. Disclaimer: No recognisable characters or locations are mine. I make no profit from this fiction. Author's notes: Yip, I admit it, I'm a hopeless romantic at heart :o)  
  
Tenna' San'  
  
The fellowship finally began to settle down for the night. After the  
  
initial audience with Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn, they had been  
  
escorted to allocated bathing areas, in order to freshen up before  
  
dining. Now, the mental and physical exhaustion started to take its  
  
toll as they began to fully relax for the first time since their  
  
departure from Rivendell.  
  
A haunting lament for the fallen istar permeated the air as Aragorn  
  
and Legolas made their way over to the hobbits.  
  
"How fare you Sam?" the archer softly inquired, kneeling beside the  
  
hobbit.  
  
"I am alright Mr. Legolas. I worry for Frodo. He's been so quiet and  
  
withdrawn since......."  
  
Sam lowered his eyes, his distressed heart refusing him leave to  
  
finish his sentence.  
  
Aragorn sat to the other side of Sam, smiling kindly and touching a  
  
hand to his shoulder.  
  
He glanced quickly over to the, apparently, sleeping form of Frodo,  
  
before turning his attention back to the ring bearer's closest  
  
companion.  
  
"This is a trying time for us all master Gamgee", Aragorn soothed,  
  
his soul saddened by the tears flowing freely now down Sam's cheeks.  
  
He continued with his words of solace.  
  
"Each one of us holds a heavy grief in his heart, and we all cope  
  
with it in our own way. Frodo was very close to Gandalf. This has hit  
  
him harder than any of us."  
  
Legolas felt his throat tighten as he listened to Aragorn's words.  
  
Closing his eyes momentarily to steel his emotions, he spoke once  
  
again to the openly weeping Sam.  
  
"Do not worry so my friend. Your bond of friendship with Frodo is  
  
solid. You will gain strength from each other during this time of  
  
grief."  
  
Sam nodded, quietly thanking each of them for their words, before  
  
rising and taking his place beside Frodo in sleep.  
  
Legolas and Aragorn stood, casting their collective gaze upon the  
  
huddled forms of Merry and Pippin, who were clinging to each other in  
  
their repose.  
  
"Master Took cried himself into exhaustion this night", Aragorn  
  
murmured. "He blames himself completely for Gandalf's fall. He'll  
  
hear no words of contradiction to his contrition."  
  
Legolas let out a long and shuddering sigh as he turned to face his  
  
old friend.  
  
"How are you bearing up?"  
  
Aragorn met Legolas' gaze at the question.  
  
"To be brutally honest", the ranger sighed, "I do not know. Aside  
  
from my grief I find my thoughts plagued with new concerns. The  
  
leadership has now fallen upon my shoulders, and I am unsure if I can  
  
take the weight of responsibility."  
  
" Do you fear of succumbing to the temptation of the ring?" Legolas  
  
softly asked, his sapphire gaze never wavering from Aragorn's grey  
  
and troubled eyes.  
  
"That is one of my concerns", he answered honestly. "I am a ranger  
  
Legolas. I am used to making decisions that affect only the life of  
  
myself in battle. Now I am responsible for seven others, three of  
  
whom have no combat or survival experience. I cannot help but feel I  
  
am not up to the task."  
  
Legolas smiled warmly at his friend, reaching a hand up to rest upon  
  
the man's shoulder.  
  
"You are strong of spirit and mind Estel. Do not think on it. I know  
  
you; I have fought alongside you for many years. When the right  
  
decision has to be made, you will make it. Of that I have no doubt.  
  
You do not bear this burden alone; we each share a responsibility to  
  
one another."  
  
Legolas lowered his hand, his long fingers gently stroking the jewel  
  
lying upon the man's chest. His eyes left the token, finding their  
  
place once again within the depths of the grey orbs in front of him.  
  
"She has faith in you", he smiled softly. "She always has and always  
  
will. In your times of doubt, draw strength from that certainty."  
  
Aragorn mirrored his friend's smile.  
  
"I would die for her."  
  
Legolas' expression broke into a grin.  
  
"I think, on the whole, she would prefer you to live for her."  
  
Aragorn chuckled.  
  
"I will try my hardest to do just that."  
  
Legolas bowed slightly in acknowledgment, stepping back from his  
  
friend.  
  
"I will let you get some rest", the archer voiced. "I will be near if  
  
needed."  
  
"Very well my friend", Aragorn smiled, placing his hand tenderly on  
  
Legolas' shoulder. "I will speak briefly with Boromir before bedding  
  
down. I will see you tomorrow?"  
  
Legolas nodded briefly.  
  
"Indeed you will Estel. I bid you goodnight."  
  
Aragorn watched his friend's departure with sadness in his eyes.  
  
Sighing heavily, he turned to make his way over to Boromir.  
  
---------------------  
  
Legolas wandered the woodland city until he found an unoccupied  
  
clearing by the side of a small stream. He sat down underneath a  
  
tree, leaning his head back as the haunting and sorrowful lament  
  
washed over him. Finally he slid his body down and lay on his side,  
  
his left hand reaching out to idly stroke the grass in front of him.  
  
The lament continued, seeming to grow louder and louder until Legolas  
  
could feel it slamming into his body like a physical force. His face  
  
contorted in pain as he curled into a foetal position, his hands  
  
instinctively crossing over his chest in a futile attempt to quell  
  
the wrenching pain in his heart.  
  
"Gandalf!" he sobbed. "No...........no........no......."  
  
Legolas voice had broken to a choked whisper, his tears falling in a  
  
torrent over his face, sinking into the soft earth below.  
  
His mouth shuddered with the effort as he tried in vain to control  
  
the despair engulfing him from within.  
  
"I cannot....." he wept.  
  
He had kept his emotions in check since that fateful event. The shock  
  
of witnessing Gandalf fall to the Balrog had helped in a macabre way.  
  
His mind and emotions could not deal with the scene they beheld, so  
  
had retreated into a stunned state of denial, enabling him to assist  
  
Aragorn in his task of rallying the fellowship to the safety of  
  
Lothlorien. But it could not last forever, Legolas knew this. The  
  
pain in his heart had begun to steadily throb as they were being led  
  
to the city by the 'Lorien wardens. It had taken every ounce of  
  
strength and willpower Legolas possessed not to collapse when Lady  
  
Galadriel had fixed him with her sorrowful stare. She knew. She had  
  
always known. The fellowship was not told for fear of the dark  
  
forces finding out and attempting to use the knowledge to their own  
  
advantage.  
  
He had always loved Gandalf, even as a child. His father would laugh  
  
heartily at his son's excited countenance whenever he was told of an  
  
impending visit from his favourite istar. Gandalf would never make  
  
it past the gate before being launched backward, his arms full of an  
  
excited, joyous elfling.  
  
Little Legolas was Gandalf's most loyal audience, marvelling at the  
  
magical fireworks and tricks the istar would entertain the children  
  
with. He would accompany the wizard on walks through Mirkwood's  
  
forest, learning the ways of nature, the language of the trees.  
  
Their friendship had deepened upon Legolas reaching his majority.  
  
Gandalf perceived and treated the young elf as an equal. They had  
  
travelled many roads together, trusted each other's counsel. It was  
  
inevitable to Legolas that this deep devotion would mature into  
  
intense love. He had met many beings in his long life, forged a large  
  
number of true friendships, but no one had ever instigated anything  
  
akin to the depth of emotion he held for Mithrandir.  
  
Legolas closed his eyes, finally giving in to the pain ravaging his  
  
body and soul.  
  
Gandalf had been a part of his life for as long as he could remember.  
  
A life without his lover, his soul mate, would wither into nothing  
  
more than a painful existence. Legolas knew he would not last.  
  
The intense agony of emotions began to wear him down. His eyes still  
  
closed, tears still flowing, Legolas slipped into reverie, uncaring  
  
as to whether this would be his last. 


	2. part two

For summary etc, please see chapter 1  
  
----------  
  
The surrounding light was bright enough to pierce the protection of  
  
Legolas' closed eye-lids, causing him to groan slightly at the  
  
discomfort. The unpleasant sensation stirred him slowly from his  
  
fitful slumber.  
  
Upon opening his eyes, Legolas was forced to squint, almost closing  
  
them once more. His previously heavy limbs felt light as he brought a  
  
hand up to shield his eyes from the enveloping brightness.  
  
He stood shakily, feeling disoriented. His surroundings seemed to  
  
consist solely of this white luminescence. Legolas was unsure as to  
  
whether it was solid, causing him to stumble slightly, not trusting  
  
the ground beneath his feet.  
  
'I do not understand', Legolas thought as he stood still, trying to  
  
adjust his senses to the new surroundings. He searched his thoughts,  
  
momentarily unbalanced by the bewildering environment.  
  
"Is this Mandos?" he whispered. "Am I.......?  
  
"No my Greenleaf. At least......not yet."  
  
Legolas spun his body round to face the direction from which the  
  
familiar voice had come. His own vocal was scratched and shaking as  
  
he spoke the name of the one he dared not hope for.  
  
"Gandalf?"  
  
Legolas watched, wide-eyed, as his lover walked towards him,  
  
seemingly created from the surrounding white mass. Once grey hair was  
  
now a blindingly brilliant white, tumbling from his shoulders and  
  
face as a silken snowy waterfall. His white robe assumed to melt into  
  
the floor beneath as he moved. The wizard looked perplexed for a  
  
moment, his forehead creased in thought.  
  
"Gandalf........." he muttered to himself, before realisation lit up  
  
his eyes. "Ah yes........the grey."  
  
Gandalf smiled warmly at Legolas, stopping before the stunned elf,  
  
reaching his hand up to cup Legolas' awed face.  
  
"You must forgive me dear one", the wizard apologised softly, a deep  
  
sadness apparent in his eyes. "This place can be a  
  
little.........disorienting."  
  
"Mithrandir", Legolas whispered, hesitatingly raising his fingers to  
  
brush against the istar's cheek.  
  
A choked sob was the only warning Gandalf received before Legolas  
  
launched himself upon his lover, wrapping his arms tightly around the  
  
wizard, his tears soaking through the crisp white robe.  
  
The pain wracking Legolas' soul began to dispel as Gandalf folded  
  
his arms around the elf's slender frame, his own tears now flowing  
  
freely.  
  
Legolas tightened his grip slightly, nuzzling his face into Gandalf's  
  
neck, relishing in the familiar scent and sensation.  
  
"Oh Legolas", the wizard sighed, raising one hand to softly stroke  
  
his lover's hair. "Much of who I once was is but a blur to me. A  
  
myriad of tumbling and confusing images. My connection with you is  
  
the only true clarity I have.........Which brings me to why you are  
  
here. Why I insisted upon seeing you."  
  
Legolas reluctantly withdrew from the warm embrace, stepping back  
  
slightly to face his love.  
  
"You are fading my Greenleaf ....." Gandalf whispered, his voice  
  
hoarse with sadness, "...and I cannot allow that to happen."  
  
Fresh tears began to stream steadily down Legolas' cheeks as he  
  
stepped forward. Taking the istar's hands in his own and entwining  
  
their fingers, Legolas rested his forehead upon that of his beloved.  
  
"It is too difficult", he wept softly. "I have tried my love; I have  
  
tried so very hard. But the pain is too great. It overwhelms me. I  
  
cannot continue my life without you."  
  
Legolas drew his head back, until he was almost nose to nose with  
  
Gandalf, locking his gaze with the wizards sad, tear filled eyes.  
  
"I cannot", he reiterated in a whisper.  
  
Their lips met slowly, in a soft sweet kiss. The familiar and welcome  
  
taste of each other mingled with the bitter salt of their tears.  
  
Gandalf sighed heavily as Legolas once again immersed himself within  
  
the wizard's arms.  
  
"Legolas, you must not fade. It is not your time."  
  
The archer made no sound, showing his dismay by tightening his grip  
  
on Gandalf.  
  
"Greenleaf, you must listen to me my love."  
  
Gandalf took a gentle hold of Legolas' upper arms and manoeuvred the  
  
elf backwards slightly.  
  
"It is not your time..............neither.....neither is it mine."  
  
Legolas stared wide-eyed at his lover, tears still falling steadily  
  
down his startled features, some finding their way into his slightly  
  
open mouth. He wanted desperately to speak. But the effort of trying  
  
to suppress the sudden mad surge of hope had left him without words.  
  
The growing anxiety instead manifested itself as a choked sob, the  
  
force of which caused Legolas' head to tip slightly forward with the  
  
emitted sound.  
  
The elf suddenly felt his knees weaken, his body unable to withstand  
  
the emotional onslaught on his senses.  
  
Gandalf held Legolas' arms and gently lowered himself and his lover  
  
to the floor. They sat facing each other, although Legolas' head was  
  
bowed. His brow furrowed in confusion as his buzzing mind attempted  
  
to make sense of all that was happening.  
  
Gandalf reached out his hand, sliding his fingers under Legolas'  
  
chin, and gently lifted his beloved's face until they were making eye-  
  
contact.  
  
"Saruman has become more powerful than we imagined Greenleaf. He will  
  
not be easily defeated. You must understand I had neither the power  
  
nor mental energy to stand against him as I was."  
  
Legolas gasped slightly, realisation flooding his senses. "The white",  
  
he whispered, lifting his hand to lightly stroke Gandalf's face.  
  
Legolas closed his eyes, trying to summon up the courage to voice  
  
that which he had previously only dared hope.  
  
"You will come back to me?"  
  
"Open your eyes my Greenleaf", Gandalf gently commanded.  
  
Legolas raised his heavy eye-lids, searching his lover's gaze until  
  
he found the wordless answer to his question.  
  
The archer sobbed, wrapping his arms around Gandalf's neck as relief  
  
surged through his body. He sat back, wiping his tears before lifting  
  
both of his hands to fully cup the wizard's face.  
  
"Ai! Will you look at me? I cry because you are gone......I cry  
  
because you are coming back to me. My father would shake his head in  
  
dismay", Legolas chuckled.  
  
Gandalf joined in the infectious laughter.  
  
"I think your father would more than understand my love."  
  
Legolas smiled, studying his lover's features.  
  
"Elbereth......you are beautiful", he sighed, leaning forward to  
  
place chaste kisses over Gandalf's face and mouth.  
  
"Legolas, no one must know of this. Saruman must think of me as  
  
nothing but dust."  
  
"I know", Legolas nodded.  
  
Gandalf cupped the side of his beloved's face with his hand, smiling  
  
as Legolas closed his eyes, leaning gratefully into the touch.  
  
"Oh my heart, I wish we had more time."  
  
"When will I see you again?" Legolas whispered.  
  
" When I am needed lirimaer", Gandalf softly answered. "You must open  
  
your eyes now."  
  
" I fear to", the archer countered. " You will not be there when I  
  
do."  
  
" I will return to you my love."  
  
Legolas sighed in resignation.  
  
" I will miss you until then", he whispered.  
  
"As I will you my dear Greenleaf........open your eyes."  
  
------------------------  
  
Legolas blinked slowly as he returned to consciousness, taking a  
  
moment to adjust to the familiar surroundings. Looking up into the  
  
branches of an overhead mallorn, he realised he must have rolled on  
  
to his back during his reverie.  
  
Legolas brought his hands up to his face, breathing in the familiar  
  
scent of his lover.  
  
"Not a dream", he smiled, running his hands over his head, smothering  
  
himself with the comforting fragrance.  
  
A heavy, slightly stirring weight on his chest caused the archer to  
  
look down. He frowned, confused, at the mop of mousy curls tickling  
  
his chin, the slender, small arms and legs wrapped around his torso.  
  
"Young master Took?" he ventured, lightly stroking the hobbit's hair.  
  
Pippin's only response was to whimper slightly in his sleep,  
  
tightening his hold on the comforting body beneath him.  
  
Legolas sighed, folding his arms around the Hobbit's diminutive frame  
  
and stroking his back in soothing circles.  
  
"It will be alright my young friend", Legolas softly consoled. "Rest  
  
now."  
  
Legolas rested his head once again on the ground. The lament still  
  
echoed around the city, but its impact had lessened greatly to the  
  
archer. Instead, he closed his eyes, drawing comfort from the  
  
whispering of the surrounding trees.  
  
"Tenna' san'."  
  
The End  
  
------------ 


End file.
